Half-Assed Runner

Packet Pickup/Expo

Bleh!

This was my first race with a packet pickup prior to the day of the race.  Packet pickup was in downtown Saint Paul between 11 am and 7 pm.  I knew that I would not be leaving work until at least 6 pm, so I decided to pop down during lunch to nab my packet.  The drive from Maple Grove to Saint Paul should have taken me about 30 minutes each way.  Unfortunately, I decided to use 394 to 94.  It’s been a long time since I’ve gone this route.  I know it backs up where 394 dumps into 94 (3 lanes into 1), but it was noon so I figured that traffic would be fairly light.  Well, it wasn’t.  And there was construction that closed off one lane about 3 miles past the Lowry tunnel.  I got to get my road rage on as I spent an hour and a half in traffic (plus my gas light went on as I planned to fill up on the way back).  Downtown Saint Paul is still the same steaming shit stew that I remember it being.  The only bright spot is that I skipped the “event parking” ($6) at the hotel hosting the packet pick up and only dropped $1.50 (plus a 2 block walk).

I know that this isn’t Team Ortho’s fault, but I was in a pretty bad mood by the time I hit the expo.  I had remembered to bring my bib number (there was a bib look up kiosk if you forgot).  The half marathon booths were clearly marked as such.  I queued up for the 10 mile area to get my bib…then was told that I was in the 5K line.  I then got in the correct line and got my bib.  I was pointed to another area where there were bags and where they were handing out the jackets.  The volunteer who gave me my bib was super nice.  The dude that stared at me like I was from Mars at the jacket handout was less than helpful. They had huge banners denoting the different sizes.  I finally just grabbed a large and put it in my bag.  I could have grabbed a couple if I wanted.  There were some cool shirts and stuff for sale.  I really wanted to grab one of the 5K shirts with a skeleton on it (they said that they would be for sale at the race) but I was already well on my way to missing my 2 pm meeting.  I headed for the exit.  At the exit, a volunteer scans your racing chip.  After that there was a long line to get a green wristband so you could have a free beer at the race.  I skipped that line and left.  All told, I was able to get in and out in about 15 minutes.

I called work and told them I was going to miss my meeting and took a different (longer distance, but less traffic) route back.  I was going to sign up for the Polar Dash (you can pick up your bib, chip, and fleece…and skip that race’s expo) at the expo, but was too short on time and patience to do so.  I was thinking that much of the merchandise as well as the future race registrations will be available the next day at the race as well.

Race Day

What a day.  At 6 am my iPhone honked at me.  After hitting snooze, my wife honked at me.  I showered and dressed.  I was cold as hell outside.  It was 26 degrees when I left the house at 7 am.  I had an hour drive ahead of me.  I would have left earlier, but I didn’t want to stand around outside waiting for the race to start.  I had decided that the running pants I own would not cut it.  They are too warm and I think that they restrict my stride a bit.  It was too cold to wear shorts though.  So I broke out my “compression leggings” that I recently bought.  My wife calls them tights.  She’s right. They’re not compression leggings, I just call them that to try to preserve the little that’s left of my manhood.  I would wear my tights….err “compression leggings” with shorts on top and a long sleeved tech shirt. Once I get moving, staying warm is not a problem.  Standing around waiting for the start in 20 degree weather is another thing entirely.

I did put jeans on over the tights (fuck it, they are what they are) to stay warm on the drive.  It’s a good thing that I did.  I stopped for coffee and Wintogreen Lifesavers at a gas station.  It was packed with bearded men in hunting gear.  It must be the start of some shoot at wildlife season in Minnesota.  I was very happy not to be flaunting my tights in this crowd.

I sipped about half of my cup of coffee on the way in.  I wanted the caffeine, but I didn’t want to have to pee during the race. Although yesterday was a hellish drive, I figured I could count on traffic being much lighter early on a Saturday morning.  For the most part, I was right. There was a slight slowdown when the lanes merged to only two. I was making good time.  I would be reaching the Science Museum parking lot just before 8 am.  That would give me plenty of time to stay in my car with the heat on before jogging to the starting area. Unfortunately, about a billion other people had the same plan.  The exit was backed up for a mile.  Over the course of 25 minutes, I was able to move about 1.2 miles.  It was 8:20 and I was still driving.  I had no idea if the lot had any available spots or not.  I made a decision to make a left and park at the gigantic Sears store on the other side of the freeway.  I was happy to see I wasn’t the only runner to make this choice as I spotted others (many in costume) parking there and making a mad dash for the start line.  I got out, dropped my jeans, and put on my shorts over my tights.  I grabbed my phone, headphones, some lifesavers and a Gu, my car key, and my wallet.  Normally I just grab some cash and leave my wallet in my car.  I wasn’t going to do that in this area.  This meant I had to run with that sucker in my right pocket during the race.  It was annoying, but wasn’t horrible.

After my quick change, I started jogging the half mile to the starting line near the Cathedral of Saint Paul. While waiting for the light to change so I could cross the street, I haphazardly pinned on my bib and tried to get a weather check on my iPhone.  AT&T’s craptacular 3G network was pretty much useless, but I did it did manage to spit enough bits to my phone to tell me it was still in the mid-20s.  Wonderful.

As I approached the Cathedral, I saw the mass of running humanity assembled there and heard “30 seconds to the start of the race”.  With so many runners, the race was broken up into starting waves.  I tried to get in the middle of the 9 and 10 minute per mile groups, but even if I could have accomplished this, the waves had already started, so the flags marking the paces weren’t accurate anyways.  I fired up Runmeter and Spotify.  I took a some shots of the starting area.  I wish I could have taken some pictures during the run as it was an absolutely gorgeous route, but the couple I tried were too shaky, so I decided to pass on the photos.

I have to say that the wave starts were done extremely well.  Also, the walkers must have lined up in the waves behind me, because I saw very few walkers during the first few miles.  I stepped over the starting line 10.5 minutes after the race had started.  Since this was a chip-timed event, this had no bearing on my final time. I did spent a bit of time bobbing and weaving at the start, but the spacing between waves and the lack of walkers meant everyone was able to start running right away.  I left my headphones off and just took in the course and the race.

The course was beautiful.  The fall colors were in full effect.  Combine that with scenery ranging from mansions to the Mississippi, plus all of the crazy and amazing costumes, and there was never a dull moment on this run.  I didn’t put my headphones on until I hit the 4.5 mile mark (the longest I’ve ever run sans music).

I started out at a slower than normal pace.  This would be my longest race to date and I wanted to ease into it.  I found it very easy to keep a nice, steady pace due to the number of runners around me.  I’m glad I started in the wave that I did, as the pace was perfect.

My plan was to run the first 3 miles without stopping.  The first water stop would be at mile 3 and I would walk though it and then continue to Galloway this bad boy with a 4:1 run/walk ratio, adjusting the run part down as I tired.  Yeah, I know, this is a modified Galloway and not taking walk breaks “early and often” would result in me being more tired near the end.

The first two miles blew by.  I was shocked when I saw the two mile marker.  Yay for sensory overload.  I had no idea what my pace was as I hadn’t donned my headphones yet.  I didn’t even bother to look at Runmeter because I was at a comfortable pace and this was a long race.

The 3 mile mark came up along with the first water stop.  I was feeling way too good to start run/walking and one look at the crowds at the water tables convinced me to skip this one.  I was doing fine in the hydration department.  I knew that the next water stop was in 2 miles and I would get my drink on at that point.  Probably the only issue I had with the course was with the Port-A-Potties at the water stops.

They were popular and the lines extended onto the course.  So not only did you have to bob and weave around runners entering and exiting the water tables, but you also had to deal with the sudden wall of runners extending 3/4 of the way across the road as they waited to use the bathrooms.  I would suggest turning the port-a-potties around so that the door faces away from the course to encourage lines that don’t extend on to the course.

I had decided at this point that I would keep running until I hit the 5 mile mark.  That would match my longest continuous run ever.  I was still feeling good and there was no shortage of things and people to look at.  Just before the 4.5 mile mark, I finally put in my ear buds and turned on my music.  Shortly afterwards Runmeter announced that my average pace was around 10:12/mile.  It would stay within a few seconds of that average for the entire race.  I wasn’t moving quickly, but I was sure steady.

Mile 5 rolled up and I was still feeling good.  I grabbed a water and kept chugging along.  The course was almost entirely downhill from start to finish.  Not steep, but a steady course down to the river basin.  It was a sunny day, but still cold enough that I could “see my breath” for the entire course.  I was so glad that I didn’t wear a windbreaker.  I was pretty much at a perfect body temperature.  I was sweating, but nowhere near the torrents of sweat I generate on a summer run.

After passing the 5 mile marker, I congratulated myself on breaking my PR for a continuous run.  I set my next goal at 7.5 miles without stopping.  I grabbed some water at the 6.5 mile water stop and still did not feel like walking.  I was still running at 10:12/mile.

At the 7.5 mile water stop, I did technically stop running to grab some blue stuff.  I have no idea what it was composed of, but it gave me a bit of a sugar boost.  It was pretty popular as the volunteers were struggling to fill cups to keep up with the thirsty runners.

I started to lose steam at this point.  Miles 7, 8, and 9 were all run around 10:30/mile.  I could feel my energy draining and my stride getting shorter.  I just wanted to keep running, because I felt like one walk break would lead to many more and I had a shot at going the entire 10 miles without stopping.  There was one baby hill where a number of the runners suddenly became walkers.  I powered through it and enjoyed the subsequent downhill.  Around mile 8 I felt a slight twinge in my left leg.  It wasn’t bad, just a slight pain near the side of my knee.  Thankfully it never got worse, but my running form did suffer as I started to favor my right leg.

At some point towards the end of the race there was an “energy” stop where they were handing our Tropical Hammer gels.  I grabbed one and pocketed it.  I had a GU wintergreen gel and I ate about half of it around mile 8.  Other than that, my race “fuel” consisted of a single Wintogreen lifesaver.  I guess that the pizza from the night before was more than enough energy to keep me running.

We hit mile 9 and I knew that I was going complete this race sans stops.  We passed through an inflatable rainbow colored tunnel and shortly after the 10 milers split off to the right while the half marathoners continued to the left.  At the 9.5 mile mark I could see the finish banner in the distance.  I picked up the pace and my last mile ended up being my fastest at 9:26/mile.  I crossed the timing mats and got my medal.  I hit the water and blue fluid stations and grabbed a banana.  The temperature had rocketed up to a torrid 39 degrees.  I was afraid of getting chills, but I stayed comfortable as long as I stayed in the sun.  A race volunteer handed me a brown paper bag from a huge box labeled “10 Mile Food”.  I took it and walked slowly towards the line for the buses to the half marathon finish area (and 3.1 miles closer to my car).

I was hobbling a bit at this point and if I stood still, then my legs started to hurt much like they did after my 12.5 mile run last week.  I massaged them and stretched them as much as I could.  After about a 20 minute wait I got on a bus to the half marathon finish line.  As I sat in a bench seat in a big yellow bus with a brown paper bag in my lap, I felt like I was 12 years old again.  I was a bit worried that my legs might “seize up” while sitting in the bus, but I was fine.  We got to see the remainder of the half marathon course from the comfort of the bus.  While the 10 mile was mostly flat and downhill, there was a pretty substantial hill around the 11 mile point of the half marathon.

After arriving at the half marathon finish, I pretty much just started my walk back to my car (about a mile away).  I did check for any merchandise (since I had my wallet with me) but didn’t see any.  There didn’t see to be much different in the way of food from the 10 mile finish.  I did see some runners with bottles of Muscle Milk (which I would have loved at that point) but didn’t see where they got them from.  I had no interest in getting a free beer and would rather be raped by badgers than listen to Tim Mahoney, so I started my trek back to my car.  The walk did me good as it stretched out my legs a bit.

I hate bicyclists.  I hate them because I’ve run into too many asshole cyclists.  My friend is a cyclist and assures me that for every asshole there are hundreds of decent cyclists.  I did get to witness my first asshole runners on the way back to my car.  A group of four women either decided that the big red hand means ‘go’ or that they were still on the vehicle restricted race course.  They walked out in front of a car.  The driver slammed on his brakes and the four troglodytes continued on at their slow shuffle.  If I were driving, I would have hit clipped them.  Oh well.  Four assholes out of 8,000 runners is still an acceptable ratio.

I got back to my car.  I suppose that I could balance some of the stress and time suck involved in my two treks to Saint Paul with the fact that I probably saved myself about $25 in parking costs over the last two days.  Next year I will definitely get a hotel room and stay in Saint Paul instead of fighting traffic.

The only problem I had was once I got back home.  I felt no pain up until that point.  I guess being stuck in a car for an hour messed up my legs (especially that left knee area).  It took me about 10 minutes of grimacing pain to hobble into my house.  After a hot shower, I was fine.  My legs felt “well used” but I no pain.

All in all, this was a great race.  The race volunteers were great.  The course was fucking awesome.  I will definitely run this race again next year…probably the half marathon.

Next up: a local “Turkey Trot” 5K with the family.  Then begins the long, cold Minnesota winter.  I will probably get really well aquainted with the treadmill (yuck).  Team Ortho has a Polar Dash on New Year’s Day.  I will most likely run that, but at the 5K distance as there’s no way I’m running a half marathon in that weather and after a night of debauchery.

Monster Dash 10 Mile Map