Half-Assed Runner

Today I ran the [Minnesota] Twins Territory TC 4K with 1,300 of my closest friends in downtown Minneapolis to raise funds for the Minnesota Twins Community Fund. 

My wife has run this event last year (inaugural race) and we decided to make it a family event this year.  So the whole half-assed clan was on hand for this run.  The race began at 7 am and packet pickup/registration began at 6 am.  Not only would this be my earliest start time, but it would mean starting the 40 mile drive from my western exburban (read: backwoods) home at the ungodly hour of 5 am.  To avoid this we booked a hotel room in cities.  This also worked out well as part of the registration included tickets for that afternoon’s Twins-White Sox game.  I was concerned about the logistics of getting to Minneapolis by 6:30 am, running a race, sweating like an excited hippo, then killing up to four hours before the game started.  We got up around 5 am, got ready, and then drove into Minneapolis (as promised, there was plenty of parking available at that early hour).  The starting point was near the Metrodome.  We were even able to grab a street spot, feed the meter with a few dollars in quarters [enough for 3 hours – since the run was not a loop we needed to allocate time for the walk back], and walk to the nearby starting point.

Packet pickup was fast and easy.  There were lines based on the first letter of your last name.  My wife commented that last year’s packet pickup was a clusterfuck, so they seemed to have improved the process this year.  That said, the “packet” consisted of a shirt and bib.  One of the reasons we drove in from the hotel and did not take the light rail was because we wanted a place to stow the race bags before the race (also, I didn’t want to be crammed in the train after the races while sweating my brains out).  This turned out to be a non-issue.  We could have easily run the race either wearing the shirts (I know! Race faux-pas!) or just carried them.

The starting area had a ton of port-a-potties and there was a gas station around the corner which was a bit of a life saver as I had not properly caffeinated myself prior to leaving the hotel and none of the local coffee shops were open at 6 am on a Sunday.  A quick Starbuck’s espresso shot later, my body was at minimal caffeine levels.  We dropped off the shirts in our car.  After Mrs. HaR and the Monkey used the porta-facilities, we were about 10 minutes from race time.

The weather was actually pretty good for running.  It was an uncommonly comfortable 67 degrees with a slight breeze out of the north.  Unfortunately, the Minnesota summer humidity was still in full effect at 87%.  Anticipating another sweatfest, I carried a small hand towel with me for this race.  It served me well as I was completely soaked in sweat by the end of the race.

There was a DJ pumping crap pop songs at a relatively low volume level (I’m guessing that the local residents would not appreciate LMFAO at the crack of dawn…or any other time if they had more than three operational brain cells).  Shortly before the race, it was announced that there would be 1,300 runners in this year’s race.  This was more than 3 times the size of the largest race I’ve run to date.  Shortly after, the Star Bangled Banner became the Star Mangled Banner as whomever sang it sings about as well as I run.

I tried to position myself closer to the middle of the pack than usual (I usually shoot for the back 20%).  I thought that Mrs. HaR and the Monkey were near me, but they opted to start near the back of the back.  The announcer counted down the last few seconds and an air horn sounded….and absolutely nothing happened.  I didn’t expect to be sprinting out of the gates, but it was a full 45 seconds before I moved an inch.  It probably took another 20 seconds to reach the starting line.

Eventually, the mass of running humanity started moving.  I quickly began running more left and right than straight forward as I passed runner after runner.  I was running well below my “race pace” – such that it is – and seeking an opening where I could have enough space to get a full stride in without stepping on someone’s heels.  It took about a half mile before I found an pocket large enough to do this.

The only thing that irked me a bit was the number of walkers who lined up near the start of the pack.  I’m not talking about runners who ran out of steam and were walking to catch their breath, I’m talking about folks who knew that they were going to walk the entire distance, yet still decided to start the race in the front 50% of the pack.  Of course, they were rarely lone walkers, and they decided to walk three to six abreast.

The run itself was really nice.  Even though there were a lot more runners around me than I am used to, the width of the city streets eventually gave enough room to maneuver.  This tightened a bit at the turns as everyone closed in on the corners.  The congestion and having to keep my head on a swivel for the first half mile or so meant that I missed a lot of the best part of the race: running through some of the nicer bits of downtown Minneapolis.

Before I knew it, my iPhone was announcing that I was a mile into the race.  My pace was hideous though, but a lot of that could be chalked up to the slow start and zig-zagging through runners.  Still, I was in no hurry.  My goal (especially after yesterday’s poor 5K performance) was to simply finish the race with no stops and try to keep under 10 minutes/mile.  The 4K distance really suited me as I start to fall apart around the 2 mile point.  With a 5K, that means I still have over a mile left, and that distance seems to be far enough to make my mind start scouting for points to start walking.  With a 4K, the two mile marker means that there’s less than half a mile left and since I’ve already run 80% of the course, I’m able to suck it up and “tough” out the last bit.

The course was a very slightly uphill for the first mile with a couple of minor hills.  The second mile was mostly downhill.  With more space to run and the downhill grade, I was able to turn in a 9:30 split.  Not blazing fast, but damned good by my (admittedly low) standards.  Every 1K there was a large marker in the street representing a baseball base.  I only saw the one for third base and made sure to “touch the bag”.  I was then that it finally dawned on my dull mind why this run was a 4K (one kilometer for each base) instead of a more standard 5K.

Near the end of the course was probably the largest incline of the race.  A lot of runners became walkers at that point.  I was not going to stop running this close to the end of the race.  I shortened my stride and “baby-stepped” that fucker to the top.  I could see the finish line at this point.  I held off on my customary sprint a bit due to the number of runners around me.  I did sprint a bit at the very end, gave high-fives to Shelly the turtle and Harry the…hare?  I finished 24:36.  I met my main goal of not walking at all and just missed getting under 10 minutes/mile.  Runmeter showed a distance of 2.44 miles and 10:04/mile.  If I subtracted the 40 – 60 seconds it took just to get to the starting line and added the few hundredth of a mile needed for a full 4K, I would have met both of my goals.

I shuffled through the chute, grabbed a bottle of water and a banana, then got my awesome medal.  My first medal!   I didn’t stay for long in the finishing area as I wanted to get back to the finish line to see Mrs. HaR and the Monkey finish the race.  About 7 minutes later, my 10 year old streaked across the finish line.  He ran most of the race.  He wasn’t happy about his performance until I told him that I probably would not have been able to run that distance at his age.  Plus he got to gorge on energy bars and wear his medal, so he was happy to have completed the race.

While we didn’t stay too long in the finishing area, there were tons of post-race snack and hydration offerings.  If you presented your race bib to the Life Time Fitness Arena Club you could use their facilities to get an after-race shower.  The start (Metrodome) and finish (Target Field) are on the light rail line, so you could take the light rail back to the start after the race.  We decided to walk instead.

Afterwards, it was back to Bloomington where I took the Monkey swimming and Mrs. HaR did some shopping.  We then checked out and jumped on the light rail to go back to Target Field to watch the Twins-White Sox game….well the White Sox game as the Twins did not decide to show up that day.  When we registered, you could pay $20 (I think…something in that price range) for Twins tickets for one of three games (you submitted your choices for the dates from first to third).  The tickets were first come, first served.  We got the date that we wanted, but the tickets themselves were pretty crap.  We we in the next-to-last row in the upper left center deck.  This section was filled with runners and many of them were wearing their race shirts and a few were even sporting their finishers’ medals.  We would have actually been better served if we were in the last row as there was a decent breeze up there.  Once the sun came out from behind the clouds, we started to get fried.  We suffered through 6 innings of watching the punchless Twinkies get bitch-slapped by the White Sox before we called it a day.  Next year, we will either skip the game (my vote) or choose a night game (my wife’s vote) instead.

Race: Twins Territory TC 4K
Distance: 4K
Registration Fee: $30/$36 Race Day
Timing: Gun start, clock at finish line, no results recorded
My time: 24:36

For the second Saturday in a row I go up early and drove north to the Saint Cloud area.  Just like last week, the temps were cool for this time of year, but it was threatening to rain.  I swear that I received the same trivial dusting of pathetic rain drops during the same stretch of my drive.

I got to the location of the race, parked, checked in, took my shirt back to my car, and still had about 40 minutes to kill.  The 5K took place entirely within a park.  I walked around a bit and checked out some of the course.  A number of runners were jogging around the park to warm up.  There seemed to be a larger percentage of “serious” runners warming up for this race.  I’m still not up to running before I, well, run.  After walking around a bit, I messed with my playlist and read my email.

Soon enough, we were lined up for the start.  I positioned myself in the next to last row of runners.  The race director mentioned that there would be a couple of loops through the park and which way to turn based on the color of the marker.  I didn’t pay much attention because it was incredibly unlikely that I would end up leading the race and having to navigate the course on my own.    The race began with a canon being fired (pretty loud and cool).  We were off.

I thought that I had started off at a pretty decent pace.  I passed quite a few runners before we made the first turn into the trails.  It started to sprinkle just a bit once we hit the trail.  I was hoping that it would continue as I welcomed the cooling rain, but after only a minute or so the rain stopped.  So no rain, but the humidity was now even higher than the pre-race 87%.  Joy.

Each mile, there was a volunteer with a stop watch shouting out split times to the runners.  At the 1 mile mark, I was told 9:40 something.  RunMeter (as it’s prone to do) clocked me at a slower 10:13.

I was still feeling good at this point.  The terrain was definitely varied on this run.  We started out on a paved street, then hit the trails.  The trails were paved, but not flat.  They looked like someone squeezed out a very large toothpaste tube containing blacktop and large rocks.  It was slightly uncomfortable to run on, and the sides were definitely sloped down a bit.  This was the first race (and only the third time altogether) that I wore my Nano Zigs.  A number of times the course changed to grass as we ran across fields.  There was even a bridge crossing over a small creek.  I should have been enjoying the scenery, but for whatever reason I was not liking this run.  I could blame any number of things: the humidity, my shoes, the course, but it just came down to me just not having “it” today.

I felt that I was running okay at this point though.  I had passed a number of runners near the start of the race and I had only been passed by one runner since then.  There was a decent distance between me and the next group of runners behind me.  I was pacing behind a woman since just before the first mile marker.  This is something that I get a little self-conscience about.  I don’t want to be the creepy, sweaty, heavy-breathing dude following some random woman during the race.

Around the 2 mile mark, I started thinking about walking.  This is the same point that I broke down and walked on my last race.  I regretted it last time, but this time I was mentally not into running the whole race.  Pissed off at myself, I took my first walk break at the 1.94 mile mark.  RunMeter had me at a torrid 10:49 pace up to that point.    It was pretty unlikely that I was going to break the 30 minute barrier on this run even without the pathetic walk break.

I walked for about 20 seconds and then started up again.  This was enough time to allow my “pacer” to get well ahead of me and for the group of runners behind me to catch up and pass me.  If my last race was any indication, then this would be my only walk break.  Unfortunately, the hill at the 2 mile mark had other ideas.

I actually laughed out loud and muttered “fuck me” when I saw the hill.  I should mention here that the course consisted of two loops.  After the first loop brought us back to the starting point, we headed down the trail again, but shortly afterwards were directed to the left.  Goodbye open fields and cute little bridge.  Hello big fucking hill.  At this point I was pretty sure that the Marquis de Sade had plotted this course.  Since I had just taken a breather, I began powering up the hill.  I made it 95% of the way, then took my second walk break.  I don’t know what mental barrier makes me  stop near the top of big hills, but I gave in and took a quick break before resuming running down the other side of the hill.

To be fair, that hill ate a few runners.  I actually passed a couple of people on the hill.  For whatever reason, after about a minute after the hill, I stopped again.  I was disgusted with myself at this point.  When I resumed running, I was in an interesting position: completely alone.  The path (now gravel) was winding enough that I could not see anyone in front or – or behind – me.  I “treated” myself to one more brief walk break (for a total of four stops) before scraping some measure of self-dignity and running the remaining .3 miles.

I finished just over 32 minutes.  I was wiped out and disgusted with my “performance”.  I had managed to turn in my second worst time ever [okay, being as this was only my 5th 5K ever, and I had only been running 5Ks for a just over a month – I may have been a bit harsh on myself]. I think what really got to me was that I like running trails and should have enjoyed this run.  I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will never be a fast runner, but I really figured that a gym monkey like myself should be able to handle a few hills and terrain changes.

Oh well, I have to keep in mind that just a few months ago I would have never believed that I could run 3.1 miles with *only* four stops.  What seemed like a huge disappointment today, would actually have been a great run at the beginning of the summer.

This race is put on by a local running group (the Saint Cloud River Runners) and was very well organized.  There were plenty of volunteers manning the course and a decent turnout (about 120 runners).  The race was CHEAP.  It only cost $10 ($15 the week of the race) and included a t-shirt.  No chip timing or goodie bags, but the t-shirt is my favorite race shirt so far, even though I generally don’t like cotton shirts.  I would definitely recommend this race…as long as you keep that stupid hill at the 2 mile mark in mind..

Tomorrow I will run yet another race.  This time it will be a 4K on the paved streets of Minneapolis with my family.

This is a test post.  I want to see if I can change the posting date so I can add race reports backdated to the date of the races. I changed the posting date of this post from 01 Aug to 04 July. <= It worked.  I wonder if the articles will reorder based on the changed publish date?  Test this later <= sweet! It works.  I can add race reports and then backdate them to the date of the races. Theme changes: remove flowers, create header image, create repeating background wallpaper, get rid of lines in footer.  Might want to add a left column for Google ads.  I don’t like the comment/footer box at the bottom either.  

Block quote test.

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What the hell did I get myself into?  Today was my first race ever.  The last time I ran in a race, I was in sixth grade.  I agreed to sign up for a 4K with my wife later this summer and I’ve been running (if you can call it that) since mid-April so I don’t embarrass myself during that race.

I wish I remember the impetus for signing up for this race, but I honestly don’t.  I chose this race because it’s nearby and I have the day off (4th of July) off from work.  The race director emailed us a few days before the race and advised that about 400 runners had pre-registered.  I was happy that the field would be this large as that gave me better odds that I would not be the absolute last person to cross the finish line.  I had only two goals for this race: finish and don’t be the last person to do so.

I partook in my first packet pickup the day before the race.  I gave my name and was handed a bag containing the race t-shirt, my bib, and a bunch of coupons and promotional items.  The night before I Googled for running etiquette and noted that I should not start near the front of the pack as I’m not fast.  I also noted that I should stay to the right and let the faster runners pass me.

The race started at 10 am.  I got to the starting area around 8:30 am.  Since I already had picked up my packet, I really didn’t have much to do but kill time for an hour and a half.  The route was a point to point route, so my wife dropped me off at the start and then parked near the finish so she could get a picture of me (hopefully) finishing and we could avoid walking 3.1 miles back to the start after the race.

It was a very sunny day.  The temperature was in the mid-seventies as race time approached.  I sat in the shade on a hillside and watched the crowd of runners grow as the clock inched towards 10 am.  I scanned the crowd to see if there were any runners I felt I could beat.  Early on, the number of runners I felt I might be able to beat was zero.  I saw people stretching, sprinting, hopping, and going for long runs prior to the start of the race.  I had no pre-race warm up planned and I certainly wasn’t going to do any running prior to the race as I wanted to use all of my energy to propel myself to the finish line.

I had scoped out the route a week ago.  I had walked the route and noted that there were three hills.  The first was a baby hill, followed by a normal hill, and then – near the 2.5 mile mark – there was a steep hill.  Otherwise the route wound through neighborhoods before spilling into the main street in Delano and ending on a path behind the local baseball park.  Other than that last hill, there were no major obstacles.

About 15 minutes before the start I wandered down near the starting area.  There was a DJ pumping out pop tunes and occasionally a person would jump on the PA and make an announcement.  I couldn’t make out what she was saying.  I found a group of middle-aged women in the last fifth of the pack and just before the line of parents with strollers and decided that was where I would start the run.  I made sure my iPhone playlist was loaded up and that Runmeter had started.  10 am came and passed.  Many of the runners looked at their watches.  Soon the race director made an announcement…which I could not understand.  Eventually – like a game of “telephone” in grade school – the announcement filtered from runner to runner: the start would be delayed as the police needed to clear the running route.

Did I mention that the running route would be the same route as the Delano 4th of July parade? This I knew before the race.  What I didn’t know was how freaking popular the Delano 4th of July parade was.  With the exception of the first half mile, every inch of the race route would be packed with spectators.  If I had known this, I definitely would not have made this my first race.  If I was going to fail, I’d rather not fail in front of thousands of people.

Finally – about 15 minutes late – the race began.  I don’t even remember hearing a horn or a gun, but just noticed that the mass of runners had started to move…very slowly.  It took a while before I even crossed the starting line, but with the sound of Haujobb’s Dead Market throbbing in my ears, I was off and running my first race ever.

Although I did experience an adrenaline rush, it was a controlled high as I had to keep an eye out for other runners as well as adapt to the slow pace.  The slower pace was a godsend though as I was able to run comfortably and further than I usually do on my solo runs.  I soon settled into a pocket of runners and matched their pace.

We made a number of turns during the first half mile.  I tried drinking in the whole experience while watching out for obstacles (mostly other runners).  After the first half mile, we would run the vast majority of the remaining distance on city streets which meant there was plenty of space to pass (or be passed in my case).

Before the race began I noticed three men dressed in wedding gowns. They were running the race in those dresses as a promotion for a local dress shop.  Right before the 1 mile mark I passed them.  I now had three goals: finish, don’t be last, and beat the men in dresses.

I mentioned passing the 1 mile mark.  That’s the furthest I’ve run without taking a walk break.  Prior to today, I had only achieved an underwhelming .88 miles before taking a walk break.  The combination of the slower pace, the rush of adrenaline, and the drive to not end this race in colossal failure was pushing me to run better and further.

As I stated earlier, about half a mile in the streets were lined with parade spectators.  They were cheering for the most part and there were a ton of kids high-fiving the runners.  I high-fived a few kids and – right before the halfway mark – I ended up high-fiving Goldie the Gopher (well, someone dressed up as the University of Minnesota mascot).

At the halfway point there was a water stop.  I ran past it but ended up taking my first walking break shortly afterwards.  I had run 1.5+ miles without stopping.  That almost doubled my previous best.  I know that this sounds pretty lame to most people, but I’ve only ever run more than a mile without stopping one time: back in boot camp during the “freedom run” that you had to complete or else do an additional 8 weeks of boot camp.

I wish I could say that this was my only walk break of the run, but I ended up taking a lot of them.  The further into the race I was, the more frequent the walk breaks became.  I was happy to find out that I wasn’t the only one taking walk breaks and I found out pretty early on that I was not going to be the last runner to finish…provided I made it to the finish line.

As the race went on, the crowd grew larger.  We made a right onto the main street in Delano about 1.8 miles into the race.  This was the main parade viewing route and there were thousands of spectators packing both sides of the street.  Crap.  Had I bothered to research the parade I would have found out it was “Minnesota’s oldest and largest 4th of July Parade”…and I would have skipped this race.  At this point of the run I was in run/walk mode with the runs becoming shorter and the walk breaks occurring more often.  I wasn’t the only one doing this and I ended up leapfrogging with a woman for most of mile 2: I would walk and she would pass me, then I would run only to pass her while she walked.

I got about halfway through the main parade route when I received a text message: “Run faster!  I’m right behind you!”  Crap.  I thought that there was little chance that anyone I knew would be at the parade, but one of my co-workers was there and recognized me.  I asked him later if I was walking when he saw me and he told me that I was running but I looked mean as hell.  That “mean” look was most likely me being pissed off at myself for walking so often.

The crowds finally thinned as we approached the 2.5 mile mark.  The course turned to the right and we began the ascent of the big hill.  I continued to sprinkle in liberal walk breaks.  I knew that the remainder of the run was downhill and then a brief flat run over paved paths.  I convinced myself I was conserving energy and I would run the rest of the race from the top of the hill with no stops.  That didn’t happen as I took another quick walk break.

Finally I spotted the finish line.  I surprised myself by sprinting the last 100 yards and passing runner on the way.  I crossed the finish line and had completed my first race.  I ended up finishing in just under 33 minutes, which is slow, but still faster than any of my 5K training runs by a full minute.  Plus, I had run for 1.5 miles without a single stop and I had beaten the three dudes in dresses.

I looked around for my wife, but did not see her.  I grabbed a banana and a bottle of water and returned the timing chip.  Finally I texted my wife and she found me.  She had had trouble finding the finish area so I didn’t end up with an action shot of my sweaty self powering across the finish line.

After all was said and done, I had a blast.  I finished and I was far from the last runner to do so.  It went so well that I started searching for local 5K races as soon as I got home.  All in all, a great experience and a fun way to celebrate the 4th of July.