Half-Assed Runner

Today I ran the [Minnesota] Twins Territory TC 4K with 1,300 of my closest friends in downtown Minneapolis to raise funds for the Minnesota Twins Community Fund. 

My wife has run this event last year (inaugural race) and we decided to make it a family event this year.  So the whole half-assed clan was on hand for this run.  The race began at 7 am and packet pickup/registration began at 6 am.  Not only would this be my earliest start time, but it would mean starting the 40 mile drive from my western exburban (read: backwoods) home at the ungodly hour of 5 am.  To avoid this we booked a hotel room in cities.  This also worked out well as part of the registration included tickets for that afternoon’s Twins-White Sox game.  I was concerned about the logistics of getting to Minneapolis by 6:30 am, running a race, sweating like an excited hippo, then killing up to four hours before the game started.  We got up around 5 am, got ready, and then drove into Minneapolis (as promised, there was plenty of parking available at that early hour).  The starting point was near the Metrodome.  We were even able to grab a street spot, feed the meter with a few dollars in quarters [enough for 3 hours – since the run was not a loop we needed to allocate time for the walk back], and walk to the nearby starting point.

Packet pickup was fast and easy.  There were lines based on the first letter of your last name.  My wife commented that last year’s packet pickup was a clusterfuck, so they seemed to have improved the process this year.  That said, the “packet” consisted of a shirt and bib.  One of the reasons we drove in from the hotel and did not take the light rail was because we wanted a place to stow the race bags before the race (also, I didn’t want to be crammed in the train after the races while sweating my brains out).  This turned out to be a non-issue.  We could have easily run the race either wearing the shirts (I know! Race faux-pas!) or just carried them.

The starting area had a ton of port-a-potties and there was a gas station around the corner which was a bit of a life saver as I had not properly caffeinated myself prior to leaving the hotel and none of the local coffee shops were open at 6 am on a Sunday.  A quick Starbuck’s espresso shot later, my body was at minimal caffeine levels.  We dropped off the shirts in our car.  After Mrs. HaR and the Monkey used the porta-facilities, we were about 10 minutes from race time.

The weather was actually pretty good for running.  It was an uncommonly comfortable 67 degrees with a slight breeze out of the north.  Unfortunately, the Minnesota summer humidity was still in full effect at 87%.  Anticipating another sweatfest, I carried a small hand towel with me for this race.  It served me well as I was completely soaked in sweat by the end of the race.

There was a DJ pumping crap pop songs at a relatively low volume level (I’m guessing that the local residents would not appreciate LMFAO at the crack of dawn…or any other time if they had more than three operational brain cells).  Shortly before the race, it was announced that there would be 1,300 runners in this year’s race.  This was more than 3 times the size of the largest race I’ve run to date.  Shortly after, the Star Bangled Banner became the Star Mangled Banner as whomever sang it sings about as well as I run.

I tried to position myself closer to the middle of the pack than usual (I usually shoot for the back 20%).  I thought that Mrs. HaR and the Monkey were near me, but they opted to start near the back of the back.  The announcer counted down the last few seconds and an air horn sounded….and absolutely nothing happened.  I didn’t expect to be sprinting out of the gates, but it was a full 45 seconds before I moved an inch.  It probably took another 20 seconds to reach the starting line.

Eventually, the mass of running humanity started moving.  I quickly began running more left and right than straight forward as I passed runner after runner.  I was running well below my “race pace” – such that it is – and seeking an opening where I could have enough space to get a full stride in without stepping on someone’s heels.  It took about a half mile before I found an pocket large enough to do this.

The only thing that irked me a bit was the number of walkers who lined up near the start of the pack.  I’m not talking about runners who ran out of steam and were walking to catch their breath, I’m talking about folks who knew that they were going to walk the entire distance, yet still decided to start the race in the front 50% of the pack.  Of course, they were rarely lone walkers, and they decided to walk three to six abreast.

The run itself was really nice.  Even though there were a lot more runners around me than I am used to, the width of the city streets eventually gave enough room to maneuver.  This tightened a bit at the turns as everyone closed in on the corners.  The congestion and having to keep my head on a swivel for the first half mile or so meant that I missed a lot of the best part of the race: running through some of the nicer bits of downtown Minneapolis.

Before I knew it, my iPhone was announcing that I was a mile into the race.  My pace was hideous though, but a lot of that could be chalked up to the slow start and zig-zagging through runners.  Still, I was in no hurry.  My goal (especially after yesterday’s poor 5K performance) was to simply finish the race with no stops and try to keep under 10 minutes/mile.  The 4K distance really suited me as I start to fall apart around the 2 mile point.  With a 5K, that means I still have over a mile left, and that distance seems to be far enough to make my mind start scouting for points to start walking.  With a 4K, the two mile marker means that there’s less than half a mile left and since I’ve already run 80% of the course, I’m able to suck it up and “tough” out the last bit.

The course was a very slightly uphill for the first mile with a couple of minor hills.  The second mile was mostly downhill.  With more space to run and the downhill grade, I was able to turn in a 9:30 split.  Not blazing fast, but damned good by my (admittedly low) standards.  Every 1K there was a large marker in the street representing a baseball base.  I only saw the one for third base and made sure to “touch the bag”.  I was then that it finally dawned on my dull mind why this run was a 4K (one kilometer for each base) instead of a more standard 5K.

Near the end of the course was probably the largest incline of the race.  A lot of runners became walkers at that point.  I was not going to stop running this close to the end of the race.  I shortened my stride and “baby-stepped” that fucker to the top.  I could see the finish line at this point.  I held off on my customary sprint a bit due to the number of runners around me.  I did sprint a bit at the very end, gave high-fives to Shelly the turtle and Harry the…hare?  I finished 24:36.  I met my main goal of not walking at all and just missed getting under 10 minutes/mile.  Runmeter showed a distance of 2.44 miles and 10:04/mile.  If I subtracted the 40 – 60 seconds it took just to get to the starting line and added the few hundredth of a mile needed for a full 4K, I would have met both of my goals.

I shuffled through the chute, grabbed a bottle of water and a banana, then got my awesome medal.  My first medal!   I didn’t stay for long in the finishing area as I wanted to get back to the finish line to see Mrs. HaR and the Monkey finish the race.  About 7 minutes later, my 10 year old streaked across the finish line.  He ran most of the race.  He wasn’t happy about his performance until I told him that I probably would not have been able to run that distance at his age.  Plus he got to gorge on energy bars and wear his medal, so he was happy to have completed the race.

While we didn’t stay too long in the finishing area, there were tons of post-race snack and hydration offerings.  If you presented your race bib to the Life Time Fitness Arena Club you could use their facilities to get an after-race shower.  The start (Metrodome) and finish (Target Field) are on the light rail line, so you could take the light rail back to the start after the race.  We decided to walk instead.

Afterwards, it was back to Bloomington where I took the Monkey swimming and Mrs. HaR did some shopping.  We then checked out and jumped on the light rail to go back to Target Field to watch the Twins-White Sox game….well the White Sox game as the Twins did not decide to show up that day.  When we registered, you could pay $20 (I think…something in that price range) for Twins tickets for one of three games (you submitted your choices for the dates from first to third).  The tickets were first come, first served.  We got the date that we wanted, but the tickets themselves were pretty crap.  We we in the next-to-last row in the upper left center deck.  This section was filled with runners and many of them were wearing their race shirts and a few were even sporting their finishers’ medals.  We would have actually been better served if we were in the last row as there was a decent breeze up there.  Once the sun came out from behind the clouds, we started to get fried.  We suffered through 6 innings of watching the punchless Twinkies get bitch-slapped by the White Sox before we called it a day.  Next year, we will either skip the game (my vote) or choose a night game (my wife’s vote) instead.

Race: Twins Territory TC 4K
Distance: 4K
Registration Fee: $30/$36 Race Day
Timing: Gun start, clock at finish line, no results recorded
My time: 24:36